When did we decide fun had to be earned? Why doing things just because you enjoy them matters‍

‍When did you last do something just because you enjoyed doing it? Not because it was good for your health. Not because it would make you fitter. And not because you could tick it off your to-do list. Just because it was fun.

Somewhere between work, children, relationships, exercise, healthy eating and being a generally responsible adult, many of us have become brilliant at filling every spare minute with something useful.

Got a spare five minutes? I’ll put the washing away. A rare half an hour? I’ll sort that sock drawer out. A free evening? I’ll reply to e-mails. We sometimes even exercise because we feel we should be doing it, not because we actually enjoy it, or want to be there.

‍But what if sometimes we did something just because we enjoyed it?

‍According to Chartered Psychologist Dr Jo Perkins, there is a reason why having fun can feel difficult. ‘Some researchers believe we’ve become conditioned to see being busy and productive as a good thing, while simply doing something for pleasure can feel less worthwhile,’ explains Dr Perkins.

‍Social media only amplifies this as we are constantly surrounded by messages to improve, achieve and be better. The result? We can start asking ourselves what we're getting from an activity instead of whether we're actually enjoying it. ‘When leisure activities and fun are converted into a performance category in which we constantly ask, “What am I getting from this? Am I doing it well enough? How can I do it better?” we move from experiencing something for the activity itself to evaluating its usefulness. This can decrease the enjoyment we get from the activity.’

Doing things we enjoy can also be associated with feelings of guilt. A 2026 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, which looked at people's real-time feelings during leisure, found guilt was present in around 14% of leisure occasions, with women reporting it more often than men.

‍With many women carrying the mental load at home, doing something just for fun can leave us feeling guilty that we should be doing something else. Maybe then, the problem isn't that we're incapable of having fun. It's that we've become very good at convincing ourselves there is something more important we should be doing.

Chartered Psychologist Dr Jo Perkins

‍So is there a psychological difference between doing something because it's good for you and doing it simply because you enjoy it? ‘It's about motivation and whether we are doing something for a purpose, such as fitness or personal growth, or doing something purely for pleasure or enjoyment,’ explains Dr Perkins. ‘The absence of a goal allows the activity to stay in the “pleasure” category rather than it sliding into the obligation or performance category.’

‍Exercise can be fun. So can walking the dog. The point is that not everything has to justify its existence by being good for us. Sometimes dancing badly in your kitchen (when no-one is watching, obviously!) is enough. And being rubbish at something could actually help.‍ ‘There are a range of benefits of doing something that has no pressure to perform or achieve an outcome,’ she says. ‘A new or hard activity requires focus and attention, which can be an effective distraction from the worries and concerns of the day. The challenge of mastering a new skill can be helpful in building resilience and confidence. When we are skilled at something, it reduces the cognitive load, but when it comes to hobbies and enjoyment this can reduce pleasure and the activity can become boring, hence less enjoyable.’ Think painting, pottery, learning a language, trying salsa dancing or picking up a musical instrument.

We also often think of having fun as involving other people and while Dr Perkins says laughing with others triggers an endorphin response and sharing an experience can deepen our enjoyment of the event, fun also doesn't have to mean a big night out. Although I always find those wild, carefree nights help. But being alone also counts: reading a book, doing some gardening, cooking etc. ‘Be intentional about enjoyment,’ adds Dr Perkins. ‘When we are open to the experience of enjoyment and practise being present, we can find it in everyday activities.’

Just be careful you don’t turn fun into another task. If you make it another item on your wellbeing to-do list, you’re missing the whole point. Research published in the Journal of Marketing Research found that scheduling leisure activities too precisely can reduce how much people enjoy them because they start to feel like commitments. ‘First identify what it is you actually enjoy or find fun,’ says Dr Perkins. ‘If you can't think of anything current, look back at what you used to enjoy. Keep things simple and start small like watching your favourite TV programme or cooking a meal. Be aware of the internal barriers to fun that we might have in place and start to challenge these for example, if you have usually reply to an invitation for coffee with an automatic “no I don’t have time”, try pausing before replying and considering whether you would actually like to say “yes”.

Just remember, you don't need to earn fun and you don't need to be good at it. Sometimes, enjoying your life is enough.

Dr Jo Perkins coaching psychology approach is to build confidence, enhance wellbeing, and optimise performance. To findout more about her work visit drjoperkins.com